Here are the first 3 reviews that got me banned for life from reviewing on Amazon. I don't understand their reaction, as they are all related to the products in question.
#1. David Hasselhoff Sings America (album)
I was born with completely straight pubic hair. If I was going on a date I would curl them with my mother's curling tongs beforehand. I listened to this album and I was cured. By the time the last track had faded out my pubes were a curly thatch.
Well done, David!
#2. How To Avoid Huge Ships (book)
I haven't read this book, but I could write it. I could write it even if I were a drunken sailor. I could write it even if I were my retarded neighbour who wakes up in the night screaming for somebody to put his knees back on. I'll do it here, in one sentence, and save you your money:
HOW TO AVOID HUGE SHIPS
Chapter 1.
Stay away from the sea, and from docks and ports.
The End.
#3. William Shatner The Transformed Man (album)
As a teenager one summer holidays, my friend and I decided to record each fart we produced onto a C-90 cassette via his tape recorder. It took two months to fill, but we did it. It was the best tape ever. We used to listen to it normally, sped up, or sometimes we'd just call people and play the tape to them. Unfortunately we had to throw the tape player away because the mic slot smelled like a dirty vegetable patch by the time we'd finished. My plan is to one day sell the tape to EMI or Sony.
Listening to The Transformed Man reminded me very much of listening to that tape full of farts. I already own this album but I'm going to buy it again anyway.
Genius!
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