FROM: GeraldDeBaptiste
TO: [a gardening magazine]
SENT: 16th August 2011, 19:09
SUBJECT: An unusually large leaf
Dear Sirs,
I wanted to ask about a rather strange thing that has happened in my uncle Jerry's garden. We often sit there in an evening drinking beer and gin in his back room. At certain times of the night it's time to use the toilet, but his house is quite big, not to mention lopsided and a bit shadowy, so we took the habit of opening the back door and going up the garden to relieve ourselves. We always went up to the same area at the back of the garden - for urination just, never to drop a faecal. After a few months this one dock leaf was bigger than any of the others, and within a year or so, the leaf was the size of a group of cats. My uncle called it 'the piss leaf' and he takes people to see it when they visit.
My question is if this is a valid method of making plants grow big and stong and if so do you know of any system that would suck the waste from the toilet and then spray it all over the garden? it would certainly save the hassle of standing there and doing the wee manually.
If this system doesn't exist, I have designed something and would be happy to write an article about it for you and also provide drawing and advice.
Regards,
Gerald
I wanted to ask about a rather strange thing that has happened in my uncle Jerry's garden. We often sit there in an evening drinking beer and gin in his back room. At certain times of the night it's time to use the toilet, but his house is quite big, not to mention lopsided and a bit shadowy, so we took the habit of opening the back door and going up the garden to relieve ourselves. We always went up to the same area at the back of the garden - for urination just, never to drop a faecal. After a few months this one dock leaf was bigger than any of the others, and within a year or so, the leaf was the size of a group of cats. My uncle called it 'the piss leaf' and he takes people to see it when they visit.
My question is if this is a valid method of making plants grow big and stong and if so do you know of any system that would suck the waste from the toilet and then spray it all over the garden? it would certainly save the hassle of standing there and doing the wee manually.
If this system doesn't exist, I have designed something and would be happy to write an article about it for you and also provide drawing and advice.
Regards,
Gerald
*****
FROM: [a gardening magazine]
TO: GeraldDeBaptiste
SENT: 17th August 2011, 10:54
SUBJECT: RE: An unusually large leaf
Dear Gerald
Your email made me smile. The well known organic gardener Bob Flowerdew is always recommending that people wee on their compost heap.
I expect that a certain amount of urine is good for some plants but the issue lies on hygiene. Sewage is made into fertilizer and used on golf courses but it has to go through incredible sterilization before it can be used for health and safety reasons. So probably not an idea with legs I’m afraid.
Kindest regard
The Editor
*****
FROM: GeraldDeBaptiste
TO: [a gardening magazine]
SENT: 17th August 2011, 12:55
SUBJECT: RE:RE: An unusually large leaf
Dear Editor,
Thank you for such a prompt response. I am surprised to hear that hygene would be a problem. My uncle is a chicken fancier and has about 20 of them in his garden. Whenever we go to the leaf the come clucking toward us like it's dinner time, I assumed the liked the scent. Now whenever they hear running water they go clucking like crazy, they're like Pablo's Dogs.
May I send my blue prints to you which may be forwarded to Bob Flowerdew, or perhaps you have his phone number and I would be able to get advice from him directly? He has a wonderful name for a gardener. I've got a policeman friend who's surname is Law. I bet Bob's friends have a little chuckle at the coincidence.
Kind regards,
Gerald
Thank you for such a prompt response. I am surprised to hear that hygene would be a problem. My uncle is a chicken fancier and has about 20 of them in his garden. Whenever we go to the leaf the come clucking toward us like it's dinner time, I assumed the liked the scent. Now whenever they hear running water they go clucking like crazy, they're like Pablo's Dogs.
May I send my blue prints to you which may be forwarded to Bob Flowerdew, or perhaps you have his phone number and I would be able to get advice from him directly? He has a wonderful name for a gardener. I've got a policeman friend who's surname is Law. I bet Bob's friends have a little chuckle at the coincidence.
Kind regards,
Gerald
*****
TO: GeraldDeBaptiste
FROM: [a gardening magazine]
SENT: 17th August, 12:57
SUBJECT:
Feel free to forward it to me and I will try to pass it on.
I then decided I would go straight to Bob himself, while taking the time to draw up my plans. I emailed him the same email that I first sent to the gardening magazine, and just added a little bit on the end saying that I found his email through google and assured him that I wasn't a weirdo.
Bob got back to me, only instead of a proper answer he spammed me with a list of his services. I got back to the other gardening magazine about it all and it was time to send a drawing of my plans for the watering system...
FROM: GeraldDeBaptiste
TO: [a gardening magazine]
SENT: 18th August 2011, 11:46
SUBJECT:
FROM: [a gardening magazine]
TO: GeraldDeBaptiste
SENT: 18th August 2011, 15:44
SUBJECT:
I think you have attatched the wrong file.
I think you have attatched the wrong file.
FROM: GeraldDeBaptiste
TO: [a gardening magazine]
SENT: 17th August 2011, 15:55
SUBJECT:
Have I? Why, what did you get?
Have I? Why, what did you get?
FROM: [a gardening magazine]
TO: GeraldDeBaptiste
SENT: 18th August 2011, 16:07
SUBJECT:
It was a picture of a topless man drinking beer.
FROM: GeraldDeBaptiste
TO: [a gardening magazine]
SENT: 18th August 2011, 18:11
SUBJECT:
I tried to draw the plans for the project but my hand shakes quite a bit and I'm not that good at drawing, so I thought I'd send you a picture instead of how happy a person would look who used my system. You can't argue with how happy he is, can you? That's my dream
and that was that. I've received no more replies, despite having emailed again today. I think they've passed on my idea.
I tried to draw the plans for the project but my hand shakes quite a bit and I'm not that good at drawing, so I thought I'd send you a picture instead of how happy a person would look who used my system. You can't argue with how happy he is, can you? That's my dream
and that was that. I've received no more replies, despite having emailed again today. I think they've passed on my idea.
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